


Small town boy in a big arcade ( I got addicted to a losing game)

by Beerandchocolate



Series: I can see you smile from a mile away (Maybe we can make it, Won't you stay?) [4]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:15:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27842116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beerandchocolate/pseuds/Beerandchocolate
Summary: Things are falling apart and there exists no glue for relationships he could buy.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Im Nayeon, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan
Series: I can see you smile from a mile away (Maybe we can make it, Won't you stay?) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1892071
Kudos: 8





	Small town boy in a big arcade ( I got addicted to a losing game)

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the previous parts of the series to get an idea about what's up

When you recite a story where do you start? Do you start at the very beginning and slowly build it up? Do you start at the middle to make the listener curious how things ended this way and the future holds now? Or do you begin at the very end and then backtrack to everything that went wrong?

Jeonghan's story was like broken pieces of a glass heart scattered randomly in the sand, in a vast white beach under a gloomy sky where he would find his bare feet pricking on them as he tried to make way to the nearest highway.There was no linear way he could possibly start, the events of the story set in jagged and mismatched,memories clashing against each other, emotions a confused muddle of affection, grief, rage and..... longing.

If Jeonghan himself hasn't been able to sort out his own thoughts about it all, there was no fairness in blaming him when he went mum at the mention of his friendship with Seungcheol. It was like an airlock button had been pressed and suddenly he couldn't form words, he couldn't speak now because there was no air. The sea would gently splash into itself behind him and he'd find himself standing on the sand again, alone, with a bleeding foot.It felt like someone had shown him a blank canvas and asked him to talk about it and all he could utter is-

"There's..... nothing there?"

'What do you expect me to say? It didn't work?'

He would laugh good natured manner and most people would buy it, some would add romantic relationships really test your friendships or something of the sort and a very few would look, try to look imploringly into his eyes looking for the piece of hurt they know hides so well behind his cheeky smile.

No,

Jeonghan is too good to let anyone see, too prideful to admit that he is just the same, as susceptible to broken hearts as any of them, as Human ; because humans are weak creatures, slaves to their whims and emotions and Jeonghan would rather be thought as anything but.

But what strength was in hiding in the dark,curled up inside his bed? Sleeping off sadness never really worked for anyone ; won't start working for him now and his dark circles were getting worse by the days as his dreams got more personal, more about how fascinating his Adams apple looked on his throat or how red and swollen his lips looked after he woke up from a good nap. Grazing fingertips, soft murmurs and Jeonghan would wake up in a rabid fear, a fear of a loss of something he never really gained. 

He heard his phone buzz again and he knew without opening his eyes that it was some friend from university, probably worried about him because he hadn't said a word to anyone almost a whole two weeks since he came back home for holidays. The last semester had been insufferable and he had spent the first half of it fairly alone, watching - ~~His Cheol~~ \- Seungcheol repeatedly ditch him to either 'pick up Nayeon' or 'Nayeon wanted to go to this event today' or 'Sorry, Nayeon isn't feeling well i won't come back till late' and suddenly Jeonghan's life that had been filled with excited Cheollie chatter and whinning was smothered with an unbearable silence. No walking back together, no eating together, no errands together or going to the library together, Seungcheol would barely even come to the room anymore, only to sleep and most of that time Jeonghan spent that time alone on the rooftop pondering over how he is gonna fit so much cigarette expense into his meagre monthly budget.

After half the semester had gone by he found Joshua slowly nudge him into activities with his group of friends (which were also his friends but they hadn't been so close before) like a protective mama bird and soon he was spending all his time in the company of Woozi, Kwannie, Minnie and Shua and he didn't had the time to think much over sad things. 

Sometimes at night Joshua would join him at the roof, bum a cigarette from him and just say nothing, looking into the distance with his warm hand wrapped around Jeonghan's cold ones, lacing his soft fingers with his clammy ones and giving occasional tight squeezes, not a word passing between them. It was as if Shua mourned with him, with him for the hurt that had its tendrils tight around his heart, for things he shouldn't have wanted, for a life he should have never dreamt about.

He had let his guard fall as soon as he reached home, holed himself in his room, in his bed, cribbing about the winter helped his parents to not be too suspicious about it,( not that they had time to notice anyways) and his sister was barely home as a vivacious high school girl moving from cram school to hangout with friends enjoying life to her fullest.

'Well, one of us should.' Jeonghan had thought burrowing himself back into the safe coccoon of his blanket where nothing could hurt him and he could go back to thinking about it, where it went all wrong, who was at fault?

While he would wait for the kettle to boil in the kitchen he would think about his own self, his own adequacies, maybe it was the fact that he would get irritable sometimes? While playing with the neighbours cute little labradoodle he would wonder if he had been too clingy. And at night when he would sink tiredly into his bed after a family dinner where he would pretend to be alright he would mull over how Seungcheol had so easily not only replaced him but made him feel completely alone.

When one night after getting no answer from Jeonghan, Joshua was woken up by his name lighting up his phone, he knew he had to pick up even if it was around 4am, a whole hour and a half before his daily morning run.

"Shua..." Jeonghans voice quietly quivered from the other side.

"He called ME selfish Shua. That I had abandoned him which was why he had started hanging out with Nayeon."

"Hannie, You know that is not true-" Joshua tried to talk but Jeonghan cut him off before he could continue. Now that he was speaking about it he was going to let it all out at once.

"He said he got into a relationship with her because of ME. Because I left him, Because suddenly only she was there for her. What kind of bullcrap is that??" 

Over the line Jeonghan's voice sounded so close to tears. Joshua waited to let him finish, to get it off and when all he heard was haggered breathing he spoke his mind over the matter finally weeks after.

"I SAW." He said.

"We all SAW." He pressed forcefully and then he let out a little bitter laugh.

"You waited like a patient little obedient puppy for someone who never wanted to come back."

He heard a sharp inhale on the other side.

"Don't you ever believe it was your fault. Because it wasn't. Don't beat yourself up on it Hannie. Take care of yourself, keep in touch-"

Joshua's tone was almost pleading.

"You're so close to me and I can't see you so hurt over him."

"Will it stop hurting?" Jeonghans voice was barely above a whisper.

" Not yet." Shua replied honestly.

"But I promise you, you will not be alone this time. Let us in."

**Author's Note:**

> What am I even doing? where is the plot going? Do I have any idea? Nope. It's sorta based on real life and then dramatised and I just keep going with the flow. This series is a personal project and I hope I can make you feel something reader.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Comment below and let me know.


End file.
